Oh yeah, everything. I'm gonna get working organs, and finally feel temperatures, and nobody can look at my hair and tell what I'm thinking so I can be even more devious and nasty, and I can feel real things!
[he tilts his chin up so that Rhys can snuggle in tighter.]
Also the smell is probably gonna be different, I think humans smell better than demons based on what breathers tell me.
Hey - I'm good, I'm great. What's there to adjust?
I don't know, I don't have as much to compare it to as you do...
[He pauses, trailing metal fingers over born-dead flesh.]
I guess-- I used to like knowing that there was a deadline, coming. Knowing I get to do something with my life. Build something-- and one day, maybe leave it behind for other people to see.
[Rhys is blown back by an unseen force radiating from Betelgeuse as the lights start going crazy and a wind picks up, inexplicably centered around the not-quite demon in the cabin.
It takes all of five seconds but it feels like forever]
Betelgeuse gasps a huge, huge lungful of his first breath, feeling - oh god, actually feeling - the air rush into him. And cries out;
"I'M ALIVE!"
Because when the dust settles around the room, he sure is.
He sits dumbly on his knees on Rhys' bed, feeling around him. His hair is a dark brown, eyes still a bit bloodshot from lack of sleep and stubble no longer flecked with green. The maniac look in his eye is gone, replaced with something far more shocked.
The general shape of Betelgeuse-the-human remains the same, but he's flabberghasted at how much everything feels different now.
"Oh god. Oh god. Oh god, everything is so much. Wait. Hang on. What's that horrible smell? Is that me?"
He pauses to raise an arm and sniff his clothing. And in a smaller voice says;
"Oh god that's disgusting. Wait!" Betelgeuse leaps off the bed,
"I get it now! I feel disgusting! Holy shit, I didn't know how bad I could feel, I....oh god, ow. Ow, now I'm just...so full of shame, and regret, and god damn I didn't actually know that feelings could hit you right here!"
He pounds his chest where his living heart is, and winces.
"Ow. Wait. Ow? That hurt? Why does pain hurt now? All it did before was tickle." His hands move up around his neck to his head where he normally would have a skull seam and there's nothing. His skin is whole.
Rhys's first reaction, honestly, is just to be kind of floored. Betelgeuse looks-- the same but somehow so, so different. Like all his edges are softened, somehow.
When the former ghoul begins to collapse, Rhys darts forward to catch him.
"Hey, hey, no no no no, you're not disgusting and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You have come so far, babe..."
If he can manage, he'll steer Betelgeuse back a little to sit on the edge of the bed, if only to keep him from falling down entirely.
"If you need clean clothes I can lend you a hoodie-- I use fabric conditioner so it'll probably smell kinda boring and flowery, if that's easier right now?"
"H-hey there, Stringbean." He's caught by Rhys before his head hits the floor, caught up in the other's arms and gives a startled jolt once he's there because Rhys feels warm-blooded to him now.
"Holy shit. Holy shit you smell beautiful."
He starts to cry, getting a little bit hysterical.
"Oh my god you're beautiful. You've always been so kind to me, and I didn't see it before. Oh my god. I don't wanna argue with you because - "
Betelgeuse pauses to gasp for air. Is that a thing he has to remember to do now???
Exhale;
"-because I was so, so shitty to you, and to Bill, and to Hange, and I didn't see it before. I killed people. And I remember how it feels to be killed and oh god. Oh god I'm a monster."
He's bawling.
"And I'm even worse right now because, I mean, here you are, helping me through this very trying, emotional time and it's like, I haven't even EVER asked how you are because I'm a shitty-"
Inhale.
" -selfish person, you know? Oh god. I need to get away from here, I'm no good, Rhys, I suck. And I wanna make it better, I have to make myself better so I can be deserving of - ow. Ow, okay, no one fucking told me love could hurt."
He feels for his chest, pale and scared. Somewhere on the ship, Hange's communicator flickers to indicate her inmate's imminent graduation.
"I have to go. I have to get away from here, you're too bright for me right now, I'm a stupid smelly selfish demon goblin thing and I've been that way for so long and....I h-have to go."
"Okay, okay, deep breaths, babe, take deep breaths--"
This is a lot. And Rhys knew it was going to be a lot, but he hadn't realised that everything was going to come crashing in on Betelgeuse quite so hard and fast as this. He runs his fingers through the demon's hair - and god, it's soft in a way that it's never felt before - trying to soothe his racing heart.
"Shhh, shhhh, listen to me: You don't get to choose what other people deserve. You don't get to decide that I'm too good for you or whatever. You're sweet, and you're funny, and you're handsome, and I love you."
He doesn't know if it's enough to stop Betelgeuse from panicking, doesn't know if it's going to be enough to stop him from bursting out the door and running away to see Hange, but he knows that if Betelgeuse is about to bolt, this is the last thing he wants ringing in his ears:
"Breathe, babe, just keep breathing. I love you, I love you, I love you."
His sobs seem to get more panicked. Betelgeuse is shaking his head and digging his hands into Rhys before inexplicably trying to push him away.
"Whoa. Whoa. I can feel my heart. Oh my god there's this weird rushing in my ears and everything is too much. Jesus - Stringbean, Rhys, I can't do this, I have to...to do something."
Betelgeuse pulls at his hair a little, fighting back a sudden overwhelming wave of fear and anger and why is he feeling all these things times a hundred?
"No. No no, this is all wrong, something's wrong, I need to get away, I'm sorry." The demon-turned-human looks at Rhys like a drowning fish. "But I can't do this to you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I love you too, I'm sorry."
He reaches in his mind for a solution and knows instinctively that something's changed, that he can just go home, leave, except there isn't a home yet for him but he can't stay here with Rhys looking so adorable and confused to the point where it's making his newly beating heart ache.
The living, breathing man rubs at his forehead and, shit, it's sweat. Sweat and tears when he never used to sweat before. He stares, shoulders shaking, at his own hand. So many tiny little blood vessels beneath the skin, all pumping to keep his newly formed circulatory system beating.
This body's so weird. So delicate.
He gulps a breath of air, looks up to lock eyes with Rhys, feeling an overwhelming sense of-
What is going on? Is it really this painful to be alive when you haven't done it in so long?
It's kind of terrible to see the other man freaking out so badly. To feel him descending into panic and not being able to drag him back up and out of it. He wanted this-- Rhys knows that he wanted this, but it's almost frightening to see him go from calm and happy to just-- reeling with self hatred and regret so quickly.
Rhys wants to shove back the apologies, deflect all the sorrow and the grief and the pain and just make him focus on the good, on some part of living that isn't terrifying--
But then he's gone, and Rhys-- Rhys should really just let him do whatever he's doing, have whatever moment this is, and give him his space, but with the other man in such a panic, he just can't do it.
He'll apologise later for being clingy:
"Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse."
He waits a beat, but nothing happens.
"I said, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse!"
Still nothing.
Maybe he's ducked into zero, or Ford's cabin, or maybe the summoning-- doesn't work now, like it used too. Either way, Rhys is worried enough that he decides to escalate this, and digs his communicator out of his pocket...
Re: [Spam]
Date: 2020-07-17 03:42 am (UTC)But he sobers up, blinking wide brown eyes up at the other, looking less like a demon for a second and more like a nervous, regular person]
Well, I. I meant it. You're worth it, Rhys.
[he breaks the nervous tension with a short chuckle]
Hey, get this; Hange asked the admiral to make me human. Wild, right?
Re: [Spam]
Date: 2020-07-17 02:02 pm (UTC)[Rhys snuggles down against him, pressing his hands and arms so that he's flush up against Betelgeuse's body, holding him into the bed.]
You must be excited. Oh wow, you're going to have to be way less-- limb break-y and brain-pop-out-y...
Re: [Spam]
Date: 2020-07-17 02:06 pm (UTC)It's all I've ever wanted. I'm so excited.
She says it's gonna be a few hours, and that was a few hours ago, so it could be anytime now.
Re: [Spam]
Date: 2020-07-17 02:40 pm (UTC)[Holy shit!]
That's amazing! Oh man-- what's going to change? I guess your tongue, your dick-- you're going to feel so different...
[He nuzzles in close, trying to be reassuring as well as just-- blown the hell away by this:]
And-- whatever it's like, if it's a lot, I'm right here, okay? If you need time to adjust, you've got it.
Re: [Spam]
Date: 2020-07-17 02:47 pm (UTC)[he cackles, beaming]
Oh yeah, everything. I'm gonna get working organs, and finally feel temperatures, and nobody can look at my hair and tell what I'm thinking so I can be even more devious and nasty, and I can feel real things!
[he tilts his chin up so that Rhys can snuggle in tighter.]
Also the smell is probably gonna be different, I think humans smell better than demons based on what breathers tell me.
Hey - I'm good, I'm great. What's there to adjust?
Re: [Spam]
Date: 2020-07-17 03:39 pm (UTC)Maybe you'll keep some of your powers as well. I mean, you said you were born kind of demonic, right? Man--
[He rubs his thumb over the other man's cheek.]
It just sounds like a lot of new things, and things you've not experienced in a long time. Even if all of it's good it might be a bit overwhelming.
Re: [Spam] - Human Next Tag?
Date: 2020-07-17 03:45 pm (UTC)Born-dead demonic. I think. I don't know what the fuck I am so I jut keep on trucking.
Hah, yeah, okay. Like, come on. What do you love about being human?
Re: [Spam] - Human Next Tag?
Date: 2020-07-17 04:01 pm (UTC)[He pauses, trailing metal fingers over born-dead flesh.]
I guess-- I used to like knowing that there was a deadline, coming. Knowing I get to do something with my life. Build something-- and one day, maybe leave it behind for other people to see.
[Glory. He always wanted glory.]
Re: [Spam] - Human Next Tag?
Date: 2020-07-17 04:13 pm (UTC)Yeah, I can see that. You wanna build something that's gonna outlast you. Hard to do when you're dead.
[but, just at that moment, the request goes through]
[Rhys is blown back by an unseen force radiating from Betelgeuse as the lights start going crazy and a wind picks up, inexplicably centered around the not-quite demon in the cabin.
It takes all of five seconds but it feels like forever]
Re: [Spam] - Human Next Tag?
Date: 2020-07-17 07:24 pm (UTC)This has to be it. The lights, the wind, like the last big reveal of a stage show...
He has to shield his face a little, waiting for the wind to finally die down, before lowering his hands to look at good newly living boyfriend.]
[Spam]
Date: 2020-07-17 07:34 pm (UTC)"I'M ALIVE!"
Because when the dust settles around the room, he sure is.
He sits dumbly on his knees on Rhys' bed, feeling around him. His hair is a dark brown, eyes still a bit bloodshot from lack of sleep and stubble no longer flecked with green. The maniac look in his eye is gone, replaced with something far more shocked.
The general shape of Betelgeuse-the-human remains the same, but he's flabberghasted at how much everything feels different now.
"Oh god. Oh god. Oh god, everything is so much. Wait. Hang on. What's that horrible smell? Is that me?"
He pauses to raise an arm and sniff his clothing. And in a smaller voice says;
"Oh god that's disgusting. Wait!" Betelgeuse leaps off the bed,
"I get it now! I feel disgusting! Holy shit, I didn't know how bad I could feel, I....oh god, ow. Ow, now I'm just...so full of shame, and regret, and god damn I didn't actually know that feelings could hit you right here!"
He pounds his chest where his living heart is, and winces.
"Ow. Wait. Ow? That hurt? Why does pain hurt now? All it did before was tickle." His hands move up around his neck to his head where he normally would have a skull seam and there's nothing. His skin is whole.
"Oh god."
Overwhelmed with emotion, he collapses.
Re: [Spam]
Date: 2020-07-17 08:44 pm (UTC)When the former ghoul begins to collapse, Rhys darts forward to catch him.
"Hey, hey, no no no no, you're not disgusting and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You have come so far, babe..."
If he can manage, he'll steer Betelgeuse back a little to sit on the edge of the bed, if only to keep him from falling down entirely.
"If you need clean clothes I can lend you a hoodie-- I use fabric conditioner so it'll probably smell kinda boring and flowery, if that's easier right now?"
Re: [Spam]
Date: 2020-07-17 09:17 pm (UTC)"Holy shit. Holy shit you smell beautiful."
He starts to cry, getting a little bit hysterical.
"Oh my god you're beautiful. You've always been so kind to me, and I didn't see it before. Oh my god. I don't wanna argue with you because - "
Betelgeuse pauses to gasp for air. Is that a thing he has to remember to do now???
Exhale;
"-because I was so, so shitty to you, and to Bill, and to Hange, and I didn't see it before. I killed people. And I remember how it feels to be killed and oh god. Oh god I'm a monster."
He's bawling.
"And I'm even worse right now because, I mean, here you are, helping me through this very trying, emotional time and it's like, I haven't even EVER asked how you are because I'm a shitty-"
Inhale.
" -selfish person, you know? Oh god. I need to get away from here, I'm no good, Rhys, I suck. And I wanna make it better, I have to make myself better so I can be deserving of - ow. Ow, okay, no one fucking told me love could hurt."
He feels for his chest, pale and scared. Somewhere on the ship, Hange's communicator flickers to indicate her inmate's imminent graduation.
"I have to go. I have to get away from here, you're too bright for me right now, I'm a stupid smelly selfish demon goblin thing and I've been that way for so long and....I h-have to go."
Re: [Spam]
Date: 2020-07-17 10:18 pm (UTC)This is a lot. And Rhys knew it was going to be a lot, but he hadn't realised that everything was going to come crashing in on Betelgeuse quite so hard and fast as this. He runs his fingers through the demon's hair - and god, it's soft in a way that it's never felt before - trying to soothe his racing heart.
"Shhh, shhhh, listen to me: You don't get to choose what other people deserve. You don't get to decide that I'm too good for you or whatever. You're sweet, and you're funny, and you're handsome, and I love you."
He doesn't know if it's enough to stop Betelgeuse from panicking, doesn't know if it's going to be enough to stop him from bursting out the door and running away to see Hange, but he knows that if Betelgeuse is about to bolt, this is the last thing he wants ringing in his ears:
"Breathe, babe, just keep breathing. I love you, I love you, I love you."
Re: [Spam]
Date: 2020-07-17 10:59 pm (UTC)"Whoa. Whoa. I can feel my heart. Oh my god there's this weird rushing in my ears and everything is too much. Jesus - Stringbean, Rhys, I can't do this, I have to...to do something."
Betelgeuse pulls at his hair a little, fighting back a sudden overwhelming wave of fear and anger and why is he feeling all these things times a hundred?
"No. No no, this is all wrong, something's wrong, I need to get away, I'm sorry." The demon-turned-human looks at Rhys like a drowning fish. "But I can't do this to you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I love you too, I'm sorry."
He reaches in his mind for a solution and knows instinctively that something's changed, that he can just go home, leave, except there isn't a home yet for him but he can't stay here with Rhys looking so adorable and confused to the point where it's making his newly beating heart ache.
The living, breathing man rubs at his forehead and, shit, it's sweat. Sweat and tears when he never used to sweat before. He stares, shoulders shaking, at his own hand. So many tiny little blood vessels beneath the skin, all pumping to keep his newly formed circulatory system beating.
This body's so weird. So delicate.
He gulps a breath of air, looks up to lock eyes with Rhys, feeling an overwhelming sense of-
"I love you!"
- and disappears off the ship.
Re: [Spam]
Date: 2020-07-17 11:11 pm (UTC)It's kind of terrible to see the other man freaking out so badly. To feel him descending into panic and not being able to drag him back up and out of it. He wanted this-- Rhys knows that he wanted this, but it's almost frightening to see him go from calm and happy to just-- reeling with self hatred and regret so quickly.
Rhys wants to shove back the apologies, deflect all the sorrow and the grief and the pain and just make him focus on the good, on some part of living that isn't terrifying--
But then he's gone, and Rhys-- Rhys should really just let him do whatever he's doing, have whatever moment this is, and give him his space, but with the other man in such a panic, he just can't do it.
He'll apologise later for being clingy:
"Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse."
He waits a beat, but nothing happens.
"I said, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse!"
Still nothing.
Maybe he's ducked into zero, or Ford's cabin, or maybe the summoning-- doesn't work now, like it used too. Either way, Rhys is worried enough that he decides to escalate this, and digs his communicator out of his pocket...